I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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