the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
