I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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