Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
