I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
