Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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