Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
