fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
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