remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
