I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
