Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
