So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you told grandpa to call you daddy
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
