I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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