well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
