Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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