I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
