i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
