Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
ok first of all what the fuck
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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