some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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