Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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