OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
