Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
