When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
