another moral hangover. fuck.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
