My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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