Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
