1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My room smells like vodka and shame
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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