how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
