Screwed.edu
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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