Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
