he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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