I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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