dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
