I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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