dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
