I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
