Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Small penises have feelings too.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
