i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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