I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
