you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Boobs speak an international language.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Randomize
