If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
