Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
