i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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