Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
