And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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