Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
