My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So apparently I’m into choking now
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
