i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
