remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
