found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
