Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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