after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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