you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
