..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
